So far so good

I've received a few emails, apparently I've left a few of you hanging.  Anyhow, I had a scan on Sunday 5weeks 4days because of a little scare I had with our oven releasing chemical fumes.  I was measuring 1 day ahead, which was very nice to hear and the doctor could see the start of cardiac activity.  It was not measurable yet, but he was happy to see it so soon.  I go back next Monday and will hopefully be released. At this point I am hopeful and yet still super nervous. 

Due Date

Today, Aug 22^nd is the due date of the baby I miscarried back in January. I’m crying as I am writing this.   I really did not think it would affect me this much. I knew this day would come, and I had no idea how I would feel, but it really sucks. I think that since I am in limbo waiting for heartbeat for this current pregnancy it’s making today hard.  To hear a normal heartbeat!  That is all I ask for. 

The scariest of TWW's

This is just about the worst of all the waits for me. I am so scared to go into that ultra-sound room and see no h/b or a slow heartbeat.  The last time I was pregnant I went into my u/s at 5w6days and I was measuring only 5w3days.  So of course there was no h/b.  Went back 1 week later and that is when we saw the slow h/b.  My RE was optimistic but after everything we read online we knew there was only a 15% chance of this working out in our favor.  After that I was able to go to my OB and get checked almost daily to see if the h/b had stopped.  I could not get a D&C until it was completely stopped, which was around 8 weeks.  Those weeks were just about the most depressing weeks of my life and I can’t imagine going through that ever again. 

2nd Beta

276!

It more than doubled.  Shew!  The first hurdle has been cleared.  
I go in for a mandatory 21dpo repeat beta next Wednesday. 

HPT Picture and Beta!

I have received a few picture requests.  Here it is.  This one is from today 7dp5dt.  It is only slightly darker than the one from yesterday.   Of course that makes me worry b/c I wanted it to be like 10x darker than the one yesterday:)

I also got up bright and early to get my beta drawn.  I wasnt' sure if they were going to let me b/c it was 2 days before my required date.  Carol, the main nurse, whom I love comes to get me from the waiting room, puts her arm around me and says to me, "looks like you are doing well".  Then she tells me to sit in the blood room as one of the other nurses will come in to draw your blood.  My designated blood drawer this morning comes and sits in front of me and says, you know it's early and it could be the HCG from your trigger... I was like... ummm I don't think so that was quite a while ago.  Another nurse behind her buts in and says, I could get get my blood drawn... yey!  Well the mean-ole nurse that designated blood drawer pokes me like 5  times before she actually found a vein that would draw blood.  Bad phlebotomist if you ask me!  Anyhow, I walk away wounded, annoyed and happy that I did get my beta drawn.

As I was finishing the last paragraph I got a call from a NICE nurse to tell me, congratulations - that I am definitely pregnant.  My beta is 75.   I'll take it for now.  Stay tuned for Wednesday.  Doubling successfully complete the beta hurdle.

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2 lines

I had a hunch something was brewing.  I have started to have weird food aversions and just felt off.  Last night I went to bed at 7.30.  The same time as my 1 year old nephew, pathetic, right?  I bought HPT’s last night in case I wanted to test in the morning.  A wise friend of mine (Nico) told me to hold off and I really did think I was going to…    Woke up bright and early and had breakfast with my nephews, played with them for a while.  At this point I had probably peed at least twice already. 

I started getting my carry-on suitcase packed.  My flight back to NYC was in a few hours.  To minimize space in my tiny roll-on bag I unpackaged the goods I purchased in Chicago b/c they are about half the price there than in NYC (razors, bars of soap, protein bars, etc).  As I was taking the FRERs out of their box I realized I had to pee and the packaging basically opened itself and the stick followed me to the toilet.  I told myself I would not be upset if it was a BFN b/c it was the 3^rd pee of the day  on only 6dp5dt.  So I couldn’t be super upset that I tested. 

I had a hard time looking at it at first.  The control line popped up very fast.  I looked away for a few seconds.  As I was looking back I started saying to the test out loud, “come on, come on”.  It really looked like a ‘ghost line and before I ripped open the test as most of us have done at some point, the 2^nd line became much clearer.  I IMMEDIATELY ran and called DH….  He guessed it as soon as I called.  It was really cute. 

I am super apprehensive and will not get overjoyed until a doubling beta and a good strong heartbeat.  I am content that I am not allergic to pregnancy.  After the m/c and 2 failed FET’s following m/c  I was beginning to wonder.

Thank you all for your prayers and words of support. 

Spotting...

Spotting….

Today is 4dp5dt and I noticed a wee bit of spotting when I whipped. I know some people have what is called “implantation spotting”, but I’m just not convinced that is the case.  It is light brown / beginning of period looking.  And I have some period cramps but I figure that is probably because of the sena-kot I took this morning to help me poop.    I called my RE’s office and they said that it is “hormone changes”… Whatever the frick that means.  I am still planning on waiting until the 15^th for my beta.  I just loathe HPT’s.  They have hurt my feelings too darn much in the past.  Any thoughts on what you all think the spotting could be would be most appreciated.

Besides wondering what is going on down below, I am enjoying my time with my adorable nephews and my wonderful sister-in-law and brother.    I am lucky to say that  I LOVE my sister in law. She rocks and I consider her one of my best friends.  Being here with my family is definitely making this TWW somewhat manageable.

Emby 8 made it!

So happy to report that the embryo that they thought might not make it, in fact did make itJ  So I have a total of 8 day 5 embryo’s.  Can’t even begin to explain how much better it is going to a nationally regarded quality clinic versus a small clinic in Madison, WI.  Almost all of the ebryo’s retrieved survived except for two. And there is one doing it’s thing in my uterus…. Hopefully, making a snug  home for the next 10 months. 

Transfer day

Many thanks to al of you that have called and texted, emailed me yesterday and today!  I am so thankful to have your support:) MWAH! Today went well. I got to the clinic at 11AM.  They had me in a gown and ready to roll right at 11:30 on the dot!  Dr L came in and talked to me and DH about our embryo’s.  He said that my embryo’s were “gorgeous” and that he rarely says that to anyone. Very nice to hear but still hard to get super excited. I’ll believe it when a viable embryo finally sticks to my uterus.  Dr L convinced us to proceed with a Single Egg Transfer.  I was definitely going in there thinking we would transfer two but he really thought we are good candidates for transferring one.  In a way I have secretly want twins but will listen to the doctor and re-evaluate if need be.

So out of the 11 retrieved 10 mature fertilized.  There was one they thought would not survive but ended up doing great, however we lost one hat they thought was doing well.  There is one embryo hanging out for one more day.  So the total definite freeze count is 7 – woohoo! 

For the rest of the day today I am laying low, watching the Olympics, snuggling with Fifi on the couch (first time she has been allowed on the couch – shhhh:). 

One thing I need to mention is that I have finally told my whole family about IVF.  And, of course, they have all been super supportive.  I don’t know why I felt like I should hide my issues from them before.  It is such a relief that they know and I have them cheering me on too. 

HCG Beta is not until the 15^th – boo!  Don’t plan on testing either.  I am going to Chicago on Thursday.  My brother, sister and law and my nephews are flying in from San Diego for the week to visit my parents.  I thought this was a great opportunity to see them, in addition they will keep me distracted from the dreaded pee sticks!

T-23 hours until my first FRESH transfer

NO signs of OHSS!  Well, I did feel really OHSS bloated a few days ago and that was after taking fifi for about a mile walk in the unbearable heat.  But it went away after a few hours of lying on the couch.  My ovaries are still super sore but that is to be expected.  But no real bloating!  Taking it easy is the name of the game right now.  The only problem is that to do ANYTHING in NYC it requires walking or paying and arm and a leg for a taxi.  I have a group-on for a water cruise around the Statue of Liberty.  We thought that was a perfect idea for a Sunday afternoon.  Well, to get there it is a 2.5 mile walk or a 1 mile walk plus a 30 minute subway ride.  So we just might have to save the water cruise / sightseeing tour for another day…

I found out on Friday that I won’t hear if that 10^th embryo mad e it until tomorrow – day 5.  Kind of a bummer, but the nurse on the phone made it very clear that they do not re-check embryo’s until day 5. 

11:30AM is go time.  Dr. Licardi is scheduled to do my transfer.  And there is a huge possibility that my husband will be there too!  I’m hoping that having Wes there will be the lucky charm we need.

My VERY mysterious ovaries! And Converting to IVF

Those burning ovaries I had posted about turned out to be overstimming ovaries… aye yey yey!  Who knew with an AMH of .31 and only 2 antral follicles 10 follies could miraculously appear after only 5 days of menopur.  Doctors were pretty shocked and had no explanation for my over response.  I knew when I saw all those follies that there was no shot at an IUI cycle.  The docs seemed to have hope.  They kept e on almost no medicine, however, those follies had a mind of their own and kept on growing.  I knew my options.  1. Cancel cycle or 2. Convert to IVF.    If I chose option 1 I would most definitely have cysts and be out of the TTC game for who knows how long.  So, I chose option number 2….  Converting to IVF.  

We were hoping that the two dominant follicles would take off on their own and the others would retract (does that really ever happen???), however, on my scan last Saturday showed a perfect IVF scan.  10 mature follies around 16/17mm and a bunch of smaller ones.  My estrogen was still fairly low, around 1200, so I felt good that I would not get OHSS this time around.  They wanted the larger follies to get just a wee bit bigger before triggering.  Monday ended up being my trigger day.  And Wednesday was my retrieval.  They retrieved 11 eggs.  And 9 definitely fertilized naturally.  There is one egg that they were waiting to see what it would do.  I should find out today what is going on with that egg.   If OHSS stay away I am scheduled for a Monday transfer.